Crazyness in my life

Wierd happenings in my life starting with just the basics of what my life entitles.

My Photo
Location: Mirkwood, Middle Earth, New Zealand

I am a 24 yr old graduating senior at MBBC and I'm promised to a very wonderful man. I am one of 6 kids in my family and love all my siblings. I live with my best friend and will be moving out in may. Moving to Tx but currently in Wisconsin.I love meeting people and chatting. I'm very open to any discussion.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Romance is in the Air

Ok, so yesterday I was in a very odd and wierd mood and a little down, hence why I was writing some wierd depressing things. Today, however, I got to sleep in. Ahhh the bliss of knowing that half the day has passed when you awake. I was ever so glad to be able to sleep and not have my nasty annoying alarm clock going off. I am sure that my alarm clock loves the days off, cause then it won't get thrown into the wall or yanked out of the wall.

I went shopping today and I must admit I had fun. I usually hate and dread and well just imaging taking a five year old to a toy store and then tell them its time to leave, yeah.. well that would be me but with people trying to get me to go shopping. I got a really cute skirt that I am going to wear to my graduation and a shirt that is really sexy and cute and comfy. I also got my boyfriend some valintine gifts, small ones but thoughtful and romantic anyways.

I called my boyfriend today and you know what? He told me that he was shopping for me! Isn't that a wonderful thing to hear? that he was shopping... and well for me and not some other chick. ( I mean why have a chick when you can have the hen??)

I had a blast at work tonight and though I would love to stay and tell you all about it, my work is going to be calling me very early in the morning. My alarm told me that it was going to wake me up at 4:30a.m. and that means I will be at work at 5a.m. (blessings upon blessings i'm sure is that it doesn't take me a thousand years to get ready in the morning). Well I had dinner and now I'm going to go and talk to my man. He is so sweet and wonderful. I can't believe how blessed I am to have him want me.

I am going to send him his gift and card Monday, and I am sure it will get to him before Valentines day.... which is a good thing. Ok, I hear my name being called over and over and over... its my pillow wanting some time alone with me. :D I think i shall head off and go to sleep. Love ya all, my wonderful fans.

Chief among sinners

Why is it that whenever I think that everything is going great and wonderful, things come to a halt and I am shone once agian that I am very human with loads of sin? Today I went to my friends house and did some role playing. The game was good. I got to draw while a huge battle scene was going on because I didn't want to be a bother to others in the game, but that is great. I figured out that I can be the biggest jerk alive. I have been doing the one thing that annoys the tar out of me. I have been complaining about things that others do and that is gossiping. I need to stop that cause the Bible is very much agianst that. I had a long long long long talk with my best friend today about things that bother her and that bother me. I can see how I am a jerk and I dont mean to be, but I can see how I can come across that way. I am going to endeavor to not say anything about someone else unless its good and edifying.

I enjoy talking to Ruthie and doing things with her, she is a wonderful person. I have asked her to view my blog and to use that as a way to get into my wierd and abnormal mind, but she told me that she doesn't want to and then she proceeded to anylize it, which I find humorous, but then she told me why she didn't want to read it at all. It is because she doesnt' want to know what I think, which I can understand. I mean I have a very wierd way of thinking and its not always the best way to think, but I mean I want her to know me better and to know that side of me that I can only put down on a computer or on paper. Isn't that what best friends should do? try to get to know eachother better? Maybe I am just being stupid which can be very likely the truth. Oh well. I don't think less of her for not wanting to read it. She blames pms but i don't think that is it at all.

At times I think about how I am doing in my walk with God and I fail so miserably. I mean I can't believe that people actually think i'm a good christian. I dont feel like one at all, and I know all my sin and sinful thinking and actions. There is things in my life that if people found out, I am sure that I wouldn't have any friends. I keep my sins hidden, or at least try to. I know that my sin will be found out and brought before everyone and isn't truly hidden, for God sees it all and knows it all. Isn't he wonderful to forgive us though! I am just amazed at how much God is willing to forgive me cause I don't deserve it at all. I can say with Paul that I am the Chief sinner among sinners. I am such a liar. I mean, ok, many people don't know this but I do. I realized today that I lie more often then I would even admit to my best friend. How in the world can i do that.. how can I lie to the people that I love most in the world? I am praying that I get over this wicked sin in my life.

My boyfriend would probably dump me and drop me off at the nearest hospital for the mental disabled if he knew half the sins I do, or think about doing. I am a very horrible person that is letting pride ruin my life. My pride gets in my way from getting things right and I need to do that no matter the consequences. But what if those consequences is hurting the ones you love? Oh what a deliemia. I am such a jerk!

I need to go pray and get things right with God and think things over. I know that people will read this and think badly of me, but that is alright cause I am a sinner the bible says so. And it says that my heart is decietful above all things who can know it... I know that my heart is decietful but I can't truly know what is in my heart... I do find thought that things that proceed out of your mouth is what is in the heart. Man I am a very boastful and proud woman... what a jerk. I need to get the focus off myself and onto God and others. Why do I put myself first. I should take my name to heart more often.

Joy. J for Jesus first and then O for others second and Y for yourself last.. I need to be last on my list of priorities. Anyways, I need to go. I should get some sleep before my boyfriend calls me. I hope that he is having a better day then me.

Always Christ's child,

O Spirit, beautiful and dread!
My heart is fit to break
With love of all Thy tenderness
For us poor sinner's sake.
-Frederick Faber

Only to sit and think of God
Oh what a joy it is!
To think that thought, to breath the Name;
Earth has no higher bliss.
Father of Jesus, love's reward!
What rapture it will be,
Prostrate before They throne to lie,
And gaze and gaze on Thee!
-Frederick Faber